I finally got a babysitter!
I have been complaining for so long that I have no time left for myself, that my parents took pity on me, and volunteer turns and keep my son for a few hours each second day. I was more than thrilled to hear their proposal. It meant the world to me.
I thanked God for the way things progressed between us within the two past years. I think that having H. was one of the things that got us talking to each other again. It is true that a child makes a family bond. In my case, it got us back together, after ten years of silence. A monumental silence, I would dare to call it.
Now that they offered to help babysitting, I imagined that I would be able to get some rest, maybe sleep or do something for myself like having a manicure done or going for a massage. The idea of being able to go outside the house does some shopping alone, or goes see a movie was terrific. I was looking forward to go outside with my pumpkin. Four hours away from all the baby talk and from the motherhood were all that I needed to charge my batteries.
I thought it might be wiser to have my parents come over and stay with my son in our apartment, instead of dropping him at their house. At home, he would have all his toys, all his book, and he would feel far more comfortable. Maybe once he would get more used with them, then they could pick him up, or I would drop him over. Obviously, with his little soft monkey and a bunch of other toys and books. I wouldn't want him to spend all his time with my dad in his garage, inspecting his tools. That’s any boy’s corner of heaven. So many machines, tools, and stuff that I don't even know how to call... His latest toy, a small cnc cutting machine, which he was extremely proud of.
Today was the first time I left my son home with my mother; he was a bit upset that I had to leave without him. When I stepped out of the door, I heard him crying “Mommy, don't go!” I took a moment to breathe in and out; I turned and waved at him. Then I continued to walk. It hurt me hearing him crying, but in the same time I knew what he was in good hands.
This was a tough test for both of us. He needed to get used to stay with other people as well, not only me. And I had to learn to let go, let him grow and not cave in each time he would cry. Not to mention that I needed a break, for my own sanity. Being a single mom of a young boy sucks out all the energy out of you.